Mother Se’May Sayer: The ARC of Time
Episode Eleven: The Siphon Effect
(It is a quiet Wednesday morning as the last days of summer are fading quickly along the path of strong and cooler winds. The wind seems to blow around her home and catch her as she strolls along her front yard. Mother Sayer is not one to forsake traditions. Her father, Ableman Sayer, instilled in her strict routines that at the passage of time, she knows have served her well beyond any measureable criteria.
“Se’May, do the same thing every morning you wake up. Don’t be like many people that can’t seem to do even the simplest of tasks daily. Place your car keys in the same place in the home. The dishes, pots and pans. Your clothes, separate the tops from the bottoms. Place your furniture in ways that increases your efficiency and lessens your worry which would also make it easier for you to clean.”
A smile crosses Mother’s face as she knows adhering to her lessons has been a blessing to her. If one thing she doesn’t need on her mind is wondering where things are while trying to continuously build, maintain and grow the sort of business that would make her a force for good initiatives that serve humanity.
Oh, and one more thing Father Sayer would often repeat to her. “If there is anything I’ve told you that is worth meditating on repeatedly, it is this. Don’t ever relieve pressure off anyone.” Mother Sayer remembers that she would ask. “Why?” Father Sayer would respond. “Because you would stun their growth.” Mother would ask him. “How do I avoid doing that?”
Father Sayer would say. “It takes pressure to grow food, doesn’t it? You think the seeds are comfortable laying in the ground with all that dirt encompassing their entirety. Pressing upon them 360 degrees while simultaneously allowing water to be siphoned off to encircle the seed. Does the ground welcome the seed and allows it to take root?
You’re not discerning wisely when you decide about the food you eat, and how that seed blooms into an altogether different structural being, per se. The seed may possess everything it needs, encoding, to become it’s intended form and purpose, but it would not be so if it were not placed in fertile ground.”
“The seed, if it did not have the dirt, water, nutrients in the soil, worms, animals and insects, depositing things we may not even know are critical for that seed to become the nourishment our bodies need. Lastly, again the pressure. All hopes, dreams, wishes, and good intentions are nothing without the pressure that human beings must accept and embrace to fulfill their purpose.”
“Se’May, don’t give in to the tendency to protect your children or even yourself from having to feel, endure, embrace, and spend that pressure into creating that nourishing person so sorely in need on this world. Not many people successfully understand this principle. I hope you will give it the proper time and allow it to become a part of you. It will serve you well Father Sayer would say. All those factors that come into play and are never recognized as crucial to growing, not growing, breaking open the casing of that seed, and then feeding it with what it needs to flourish. I know I told you about the steps that are important to success. Anyway, what everyone doesn’t know or don’t want to know is astonishing.”
Father Sayer would say. “Try buying something that only trades in pressure. Just try buying it for the chance to even get a glimpse of it without knowing the initial cost is tremendous. Pressure is the only currency success takes. You must spend that pressure to purchase the item of success you want. The fear of failure. The foreboding arura of uncertainty. The hope that you have the mental fortitude to see your future, your dream to reality. What, you feel that? That is pressure. You must ‘spend’ that pressure to dissipate it!”
Mother Sayer would say. “How.” Father Sayer would say. “All the setbacks and slowdowns. The ideas that fizzled out. The fight to keep your mind on track and focused. Listen to me, everybody’s account is full when they start out in life. When a child starts school, there is pressure (every part and parcel leading to comprehending the material to move onto the next higher grade). Acquiring skills, to include all of them from financial, cooking, cleaning, mannerisms, and on and on to support a life to the next step.”
“Yes Se’May, everybody’s account is full of that currency, pressure, must be spent down, as prudence requires it to reach a state of blooming, so to speak. The outer shell must be penetrated. Of course, (He sees it in Se’May’s eyes), we all need council and only the people who know they need the right kind seem to fulfill their dreams.”
That seed in the ground does not crack its’ shell alone. That seed does not water itself. That seed does not provide for itself the nutrient rich soil to send its’ roots deep. What does this mean? Nothing begins life sorely of its’ own will. Nothing survives on its’ own without assistance. There are no ‘self-made seeds.’ Vitality comes from what you’re fed. (It would seem that growth springs forth underneath the weight of pressure).
Mother S. Sayer: (Today is another day I am led to believe that it best be spent with my children, she thinks). Justus. Doyenne. Come, breakfast is ready. (It is about 8 am on a Monday morning. Mother does not believe that summer is a time to release her children from ‘rule based achievement.’ She structures their weekdays to start no later than waking up at 7 am. ‘The training up a child in the way they should go thing.’ I don’t want them hanging on my skirt no longer than necessary).
Mother S. Sayer: Sit down and let’s give thanks. (The meal is engaged. Mother is not one to waste feedback. She observes her son. He eats 2 and a half helpings. Good. She observes Doy. Doy is being the typical female. Her appetite is not as ravenous as her brother’s, but Mother believes she needs to assist her with her understanding of food so she doesn’t expend unnecessary energy and time.
Mother S. Sayer: Doy, are you not hungry this morning?
Doyenne: I’m fine Mother.
Mother S. Sayer: I didn’t ask how you were feeling. I asked why do you eat so little this morning?
Doyenne: Girls can’t pig out every time they sit at the table Mother. I have to be conscious of the way I look, don’t I?
Mother S. Sayer: Doy, your reasoning is flawed if you’ve concluded that food persuades or decides anything about your body. Food doesn’t make decisions for you. Food is simply a part of how you sustain your life.
Doyenne: Food does make you fat, does it not Mother?
Mother S. Sayer: (This is how it begins. How human beings unwittingly siphon energy from areas that need it most, to areas that should be suppressed and incapacitated. A complex about food is drawing vitality from other necessary learning). Doy. Listen to me now and pay close attention. You are 14 and your brother is 15. The age you are now holds great promise, but it also holds great despair.
Doyenne: Despair Mother?
Mother S. Sayer: (She is thinking in her mind how to say what she has to say in ways that her daughter can comprehend and retain. Inevitably, she decides to be true and give her daughter the ‘sure wording of truth’ her father unflinchingly fed her at all times). Doy, nothing is more dangerous than a person not knowing what’s good for them.
If you’re looking at food believing that starving yourself will somehow attain an appearance you desire, you’re wrong. If you want to sculpt an image that satisfactory, then you should exercise on a scheduled basis and follow what fitness experts have already discovered. Don’t throw the responsibility off onto food trying to make it the enemy of why you don’t look the way you want.
You know what? That’s just trifling. (She sees the look on Doys’ face and gives her the southern definition of trifling). Trifling means being ignorant just for the hell of it, or being stupid because you can, and it irritates other people.
Doyenne: Oh, so I need to stop being stupid when I know how to address any weight issue I may have with exercise and proper dieting?
Mother S. Sayer: (Smiling, it always seems that holding people accountable moves the needle further to good results more than bad results). Yes, that is correct. Look, you will encounter a heck of a lot more pressure in life than worrying about things within your power to control. At those moments, understand that ‘pressure is a currency that has to be spent.’ I’ll give you an example. Let’s say you’ve ignored a lesson taught and you are at a party where the attendees are becoming increasingly unruly and belligerent.
What do you do? Your girlfriend whom you rode with has hooked up with a dude she met there. You don’t know where you are to include the street or the block where this house is located. You don’t know anybody else there, but that’s not the worst thing. The worse thing is you don’t have your own way of getting home. What do you do Doy?
Doyenne: I don’t know Mother?
Mother S. Sayer: You want to ask you brother if he has any suggestions?
Doyenne: Justus, what would you do?
Justus: I would try calling somebody else I know to come pick me up.
Mother S. Sayer: What do you think about that suggestion Doy?
Doyenne: It sounds good, but what if the house doesn’t have a phone?
Mother S. Sayer: (Now she is beginning to think and game out the scenario a little bit. Let’s see if she can reason her way out of this hypothetical). What other things you know about living in a city? Name some ‘points of interests’ that populate a city.
Doyenne: Well, there are gas stations. There are restaurants. Libraries. There are stores that aren’t too far from neighborhoods.
Mother S. Sayer: Good. Now how would you employ these factors to assist you in getting home safely?
Mother S. Sayer: Wait. There are about 2 or 3 guys eyeing every move you make. Go ahead, finish what you were going to say.
Doyenne: Sickness. I would feign sickness.
Mother S. Sayer: (Incredible! The intuition that emerges when a mind feels threatened). Doy. I must say. What you just did is the result of years of me talking to the both of you. The admonishments are now paying dividends. They aren’t for my sake, but for the survival of the promise you have for your lives. I won’t be the one to feel the pain or the horror physically if you find yourself somewhere you shouldn’t be.
I will feel sorrow for you when I’m told about what happened to you, but you will be the one to suffer if you don’t learn anything. If you don’t push that brain inside your head to strive for better constantly. You came up with an idea that you now can game through in your mind for use in uncomfortable situations. That is what happens when you expect pressure to be present in your life, and spend that currency.
Justus: Currency? I want to hear that myself?
Mother S. Sayer: Let me ask you both. This is a yes or no question. When I was carrying you for 9 months inside me. Was I under pressure? Were you under pressure?
Doy: Yes to both questions.
Justus: Yes to both as well Mother.
Mother S. Sayer: You’re both right. Think of a seed. Can a seed grow on top of the ground?
Doy: No, I don’t think so.
Justus: No it can’t.
Mother S. Sayer: Setting aside any anomalies that may occur, you both are right again. A seed has to be placed under the surface and in contact with fertile soil. It is constantly being touched by water, dirt, possibly insects and other factors we aren’t aware exist in the process. Pressing on that seed at all times to produce the food that is expected of it. All those factors are laying expectations on that seed to take root and grow. They have a vested interest in it maybe because the cycle of planting and harvesting leaves vital waste that nourishes the next growing season.
Doy: So, the seed doesn’t feed or water itself?
Mother S. Sayer: (She looks at her children for signs of an expanding consciousness that foretells a human being capable of discerning a great many things as they go through life. She is encouraged by her perceptions). That’s right. A man and woman may wish to have a baby, but that’s just the beginning. Even though the woman carries the child; the father has supportive and protective watch to see to it the child is born with as little complications as possible.
That’s the currency of pressure that has to be spent to dissipate it. Having a baby is not an easy task nor is planting a field. There is constant pressure and that pressure is taken off (spent) one task or responsibility at a time. If you forget something. When you remember it, do it. If mother wants father at the ultrasound, the father has to take off work. In reasoning that the baby will cost more when its’ born; start looking for another job or seek higher education. Change careers if you have to. There is always pressure and that ‘currency’ has to be spent!
My Father spoke with me on many occasions about many aspects of life, and the one thing about this topic, pressure, I noticed he didn’t speak of. ‘He never said this currency can be saved, or the currency of pressure can earn interest.’ I don’t want to go too in-depth right now, but also pay close attention in life to what is not said. Do you both understand?
Doyenne: Yes Mother.
Justus: Yes Mother. So, if I want to have a family it is a no fail mission the responsibilities that are assigned to me in caring for my family? Pressure is something that is going to be constant in life and I have to learn to work through it. Spend it until it’s spent, so I can earn the real dividends when I successfully relieve that pressure.
Mother S. Sayer: Very good Justus. Doy, I want to stress to you that there are dangers that you must be aware to void that your brother probably will never face.
Doyenne: Yes, I know Mother, you told me. Some men are not taught how to govern their actions as you and father have taught my brother. Always think about what you’re doing and observe the situation and process the feedback correctly.
Mother S. Sayer: Good, I know right now you may think I am characterizing all men as predators with violent tendencies. That is far from the case. A woman must never relinquish her role in any situation. If a man is getting out of hand, speak in a manner befitting the circumstances and let him know he is out of order. You don’t have to escalate the anger or volatile nature of the situation, but you can lower the volume by being righteous enough to say something.
Justus: So it’s all on the woman’s shoulders to calm a man down Mother?
Mother S. Sayer: (Another appropriate and probing question for better understanding from Justus). That’s not what I’m saying Justus. I’m saying, when appropriate a woman or someone with the strength of will to see that a person is letting the circumstances get the best of him, to try and calm him down. If that’s not possible, then remove yourself from the situation and let the person cool off.
By no means am I saying be the one that has to calm everybody down. Some events have to play out between people. What I would do is assess each event quickly and judge whether it is worth my time to intervene or walk away. This I’m sad to tell you takes ‘the arc of time.’
Doyenne: Okay Mother.
Justus: Okay Mother.
Mother S. Sayer: Now let’s continue with our discussion. I want to talk more on being wary of things that may divert your energy. By divert I mean to siphon off your efforts to complete a task by distracting you into doing something not connected to your stated or written goals.
Doyenne: I know this one. It’s like when you’re supposed to be taking a test in class and you’re sitting there daydreaming about what you have planned after school.
Mother S. Sayer: That’s right Doy. There are many facets to life. In the words I’ve spoken lie a host of interconnected streams that branch out and around everyone’s life. It doesn’t exist.
Justus: Exist? What doesn’t exist?
Mother S. Sayer: (Her gaze has intensified toward her children. She isn’t concerned that they will comprehend what she is transferring right now. All that matters now are conveying her thoughts, intermingled with her Father’s wisdom, to the benefit of her children. She knows that she must teach her children, carry them, to adulthood, but after that it is up to them to retain and abide by their upbringing, or not). All you do effects all you do.
Doyenne: I’m still not fully knowing what you’re talking about Mother.
Justus: I think I’m getting there, but I want to hear more. Please, Doy, let’s just listen to what Mother has to say.
Mother S. Sayer: (It is respectful that Justus adheres to my desire to be addressed as Mother and not some variation of the traditional role I hold dear). I’ll give you an example of what I mean and see if this can clear it up for you both. Let’s say for instance, a young man has a desire to be a mechanic when he finishes high school. He’s on track in all his classes. Shop. Mathematics are fine. There’s just one thing though he’s doing that may throw everything on the table up in the air and crashing to the floor. He’s having sex with his girlfriend.
Mind you, they are both nearly 18, so it’s not a question about do they know what they’re doing. It’s the possibility of conceiving a child out of wedlock. Now, before I go further. Do either of you think this consequence has other consequences attached to it?
Doyenne: Yes, they do Mother. There is.
Mother S. Sayer: Wait a minute Doy. Hold that thought. Justus, what do you think could be the consequences of a child introduced into that relationship?
Justus: (She knows something about what I’ve been doing). So, having a girlfriend could present challenges to achieving an envisioned future for this couple.
Mother S. Sayer: In and of itself, there is nothing wrong with having somebody to talk to and spend time. Even sharing some growing pains is a healthy thing. As the years pass is when youth’s euphoric invincibility begins to ‘block the view of adulthood.’
(She again sees the rise of perplexity in the eyes of her children, but she continues in her dissemination of the known pillars of life she has encountered. Some of them with unfortunate and unfulfilled dreams). Sometimes life is brushed aside in lieu of not ruining the fun or good times occurring in front of us. Mind you, it doesn’t mean that by ignoring all the possibilities that could happen from acting on impulses, doesn’t mean those impulses ‘completed’, will not result in enormous adjustments to a person’s life.
A child will cause an immediate realignment of the schedule of any parent. So, unless you are rich and can provide a nanny, the ‘arc of time’ will not be favorable to the both of you. Once time is spent it can’t be rewound. That means that purposes are now going unsatisfied. Time now feels unkind. Suddenly it’s wrong that I’m being prevented from being a mechanic. I can’t pay for school because my child needs what it needs. Then resentment begins to set in.
I was man’s gift to women when I got my girlfriend pregnant. Now I’m being held hostage to one woman and responsible for the life of this child. “All I did was have sex,” is a common chorus the male usually expresses when it finally sinks in the enormity of his decision.
There is something else that has been happening to this couple all the while they’ve been believing life was so great to them. It is a sneaky undertaking. Sort of like not plugging a leak, but making it seem that the leak is plugged. Like draining or emptying a cup of invigorating cold water down a parched throat. A siphoning that has been going on in the background. A siphoning that has been giggling at this couple as soon as they started engaging in intimacy.
Stay with me children because this is important. Long ago, their minds were made up on what they wanted their future to be. Now their future is put on hold, but it didn’t occur suddenly. It occurred gradually. It was siphoned off slowly. Each time they were intimate a chunk of their future was knocked off the top. They knew the danger signs, but they chose to ‘blow past the stop.’
Now, tell me how this couple is going to fulfill their dreams now. Their money is tight. Their time is allocated to caring for the baby. They have to work at jobs that elevates their anger daily because they believe they are worth more than the pittance they are paid. All of this resulted from viewing their future through ‘rose colored glasses.’
Doyenne: I know Mother. Why is it always on the woman to be the responsible party for the child. Didn’t the man have a lot to do with it?
Mother S. Sayer: Again the tradition is that the Mother will care for the child. Another warning to you. Don’t siphon off your energy complaining why this is so. I gave that practice up a long time ago. Yes, there are some things you can fight, but you have to know the difference and that takes engagement, practice and retention of what you learn or encounter.
Justus: I see I am going to be watched closely.
Mother S. Sayer: (Ah, it is good he knows my scrutiny will be perceived by him as harsher than with his sister). Yes Justus, it is my job to help you reach the point in life where you can take care of yourself. More importantly, that decisions you make may have years tied into them before they are resolved. It is tricky. The way life may come at you. Just like the law, ‘ignorance of the rules of this house is no defense.’
Doyenne: (Laughing). It sure ain’t. I know that’s right.
Mother S. Sayer: Oh, all is well. Just learn this and stay true to it. Life is a life long journey. Learning throughout this journey is what keeps your mind sharp and alert. Add to that a good healthy lifestyle of exercise and proper diet and the ‘sky’s the limit’ as they say. Do this. Don’t worry about what is said as so much as you understand it. It will come in time.
Justus: Alright Mother.
Doyenne: Okay Mother.
Mother S. Sayer: Very well then. You both may spend time now doing what you like until dinner. Go on now, have fun. Don’t leave the home.
Justus: Thank you Mother.
Doyenne: Thank you Mother.
(What a tiresome day. It is a chore restating in detail the lessons learned from a parent for the continued benefit of the next generation. It’s worth it I must say. It is worth it. Mother resumes her routines on the days she spends at home in her office. She makes some calls to keep all her key people pursuing the tenets of her company vision.
She knows it takes ‘the arc of time’ for purposes to be fulfilled. Her people should be given no less the benefit of that maxim. At least now she doesn’t have that feeling of being ‘overwhelmed.’ Like she felt when her Father was spending what felt like ‘every waking minute of time’ drilling her on everything about life. ‘I didn’t know there was so many facets; or so many interconnected ‘rivers’ that seem to join together downstream or upstream in life.’
Anyway, my Father did say I would create my own ‘catch phrases’ that would propel me to new heights of success. The best he said thought are the ones I’ve developed that’ve helped my children and my associates. He was right).